R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find Out What it Means to Your Body
Hi. This is your body talking. You know, the one that gets you out of bed in the morning and enables you to get through your work day? The one that allows you to enjoy time with your family and friends, talk in weird baby talk voices to your pets, and the one that somehow still functions after you fill me up with too much tequila and dance until ungodly hours of the morning? I help you run marathons, give killer presentations at your job, breathe, brainstorm major groundbreaking ideas, play sports, have awesome sex (woo!), and nuture the kiddos. Now that I have given you a microscopic sampler of all the things I do for you every day, I just have one question for you- WHAT THE HELL?
Sorry to get a little grumpy, it’s just that healthy relationships are supposed to be a symbiotic, give and take, balancing thing. Lately, I feel like you’ve been treating me like a wham-bam- thank- you ma’am-I forgot your name-bootycall. Not cool. I’m trying to do all this awesome stuff for you, but you fill me with food and drinks that make me feel like road kill.
Seriously, that gross soda stuff has got to go. I’m trying to keep you nice and trim, but your cells go spastic on that artificially colored sugar water and they store all that fat in your midsection because they don’t know what else to do. Your liver is freaking out, okay? He’s surrounded by fatty deposits. Also, I don’t want you to try and sweet talk me and say, “well Body, I don’t even drink regular soda! I drink diet, it’s zero calories!” I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that artificial sweetener crap. They make the blood glucose levels spike, Liver has a hissy fit again and converts that glucose to fat, and now you’ve got a gut hanging over your pants and you verbally abuse me during bathing suit season.
While I’m on a roll, you need to help me out with the sugar cravings. You’re messing with Brain when you eat those sugary, simple, carbs. Sugar makes Brain light up like Christmas display gone wrong and all these feel good hormones are rushing into your veins, and before you know it, Brain is all confused and needs more of it- NOW! But what I really want is some fruits and vegetables! I need vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and fiber. It will help all the systems become more balanced, and then Brain won’t be screaming at you to pound a half box of donuts before work. I’m doing important work here- trying to combat foreign objects, obliterate the free radical bastards that make cancer cells, and I can’t do that without that pretty plant power. Do me a favor and eat the rainbow! None of that off white, packaged non-foods. I’m talking greens, reds, oranges, blues, and yellows. I can make miracles happen with that stuff!
May I also put in a request to have you move me around a bit more? When you sit all day, Blood starts complaining that it isn’t moving enough and Colon and Intestines are getting short tempered about being compacted and their Waste Management role gets thwarted. Heart is an active little thing, and she’s ready to start pounding! I’m not particular on your exercise of choice. Walking is great for Joints because it’s low impact. If dancing like a maniac to your Ipod will get you going, I’m all for it! You know I can bust out some pretty killer moves. Yoga helps Muscles lengthen and strengthen, and there’s that amazing stress relief component, too. Sometimes you’ve got me running around doing so many different tasks that I’m shooting out cortisol like a busted fire hydrant and it really wears me down. When you feel me on the verge of collapse, just take me into a quiet corner and let me deep breathe for five minutes. It’s life changing!
I was going to wrap it up on that note, but Lungs really, really wanted to chime in and say, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL SMOKING CIGARETTES?!?!!? For God’s sake, you KNOW they absolutely cause cancer and numerous other serious health problems, they smell repulsive, and why are you slowly turning us into black, putrid, shriveled up cow patties that will cease to give you the breath of life?!?! Also, stop throwing the butts on the ground when you’re done with them. Why you gotta hate on us AND the Earth with your smoking habit?” Wow, quite the passionate message from Lungs. Don’t piss those guys off.
I really want to be able to give you all the things you need to be happy. I know it’s frustrating when you feel tired, sick, and think you don’t look your best. Help me so I can help you. It’s really not too much. I yearn for the simple things- lots of water, food that was grown from the ground, moving a lot, and sleeping like a big ole’ baby. I just want the same respect that you give your car and other objects of your affection. I know you fuel your car up with premium gas and get ticked off when you get a new scratch or dent on that thing. Can I get some premium fuel and TLC, please? I can propel you to some wonderful destinations.
Well, there you have it. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. You found out what it meant to me. Now, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me…..